You’d never think..

you would never see it coming, you don’t think that things like this would happen to you. You go through the motions but show no emotion. Your asked constantly how you feel but always shudder from the truth. You couldn’t possibly be one of them. The ones that have the issues, the person that isn’t completely sane, the one that needs the professional help or things will get worse. It’s a scary feeling, almost helpless, like an alien in your own body. This is all too common, so common that’s it’s not discussed enough that those that need help scream silently cause they are afraid no one will truly hear them. You’d never think that the person sitting next to you smiling and waving at a stranger passing by would be hiding true intentions of self harm. You wouldn’t think that the boy riding a bike on the sidewalk deals with abuse daily and you would never guess that the mother who loves her children unconditionally, who smiles and provides for her babies is suffering from postpartum depression. These are real things. Things that are unseen like the girl being bullied in school by faculty because her outfit will make the boys go crazy.

    We all have our individual thoughts that race through our heads daily, problems that we fight against to the point where it might break us down to the point of exhaustion, ones that are hidden, ones that You as a blatant observer would never notice. Fast paced and moving or full
Of decit. There are reasons that some people, like the examples that I have mentioned above hide the pain, the reasons why they hide the problems from the world. They say the Cancer Zodiac refuses to let others see them as anything but happy because they don’t want to upset anyone. As a Cancer I can relate. It’s easier to keep things in until they bust open at the seems. Why let them see you cry? Let them see you as brave or sweet or some more positive characteristics. We are all screwed up, we just don’t want anyone else to know. That’s why when company comes over we race to clean our homes, hiding away our dirty laundry so the impression we give is the best. This coexists with the nature we have to be wanted. So we’d never think, that underneath it all there is a broken person dying for affection, that there is a sad young mother who cries nightly.

I hate to admit when things are wrong even with my own health. We as people tend to think that we would never deal with health issues that leave us questioning why. I myself never saw my health issues coming, it makes me feel like a failure in a way, not only to myself but my children. It’s unexpected and can only be helped if I let the doctor help me. Scary and in a nutshell, I find myself reversing backward into my own bubble, denial. You’d never think that things that happen to others would happen to you..

Thanks
Maddie

Questioning or Really just Intrigued?

Can that happen?
Can our thoughts be placed into the category ( if such one exists) where logic and reason separate  and our minds go from a question to an intrigued nature, is there a thin line that exists between the two?

We as curious beings inquire about a lot throughout our lifetimes. So why is it such a thought that what we come across and see as an inspired concoction make us question who we are and the way we live.

You know the feeling, the one where we go through major changes in our lives and have a period where we tend to doubt that this is the life for us and we look to the past and analyze everything that led us to this point in our lives, some even try to come up with different scenarios in their heads of how things could be different. Does this mean that we find events, people and ideas intriguing, leaving us with questions of who, what, when, where, why and, how?

Confusing? I know, I'm not even sure where I am heading with this post. In the need to express my thoughts in a way that may make sense to me but seem like a jumble mess to you.

Life is an obstacle one that time is not a friend but a mere enemy snickering at the failures. This means that change happens so quickly that only the brave make the pass, that catching up is playing cat and mouse with patience and feelings. Where belittling the doubt that sweeps the mind is played over. resilience. Who says that we have to be, why can't we complain and take our time? Not all life changes are little You know the ones  that may catch our interest but then fade into exist? A lot of the time the changes are drastic and catch our questions and have us intrigued but in the worst possible way. Instead of offering our minds the euphoric "ooh's." The changes bring along the sadness, the madness and the frustrations that have us screaming, and attract our intrigued minds to a darker place, one that once entered is hard to escape from.

Is it all one big question, a 360 blur that comes around and round again, or is the movements, interests and the everyday possibilities one big intrigued mind that has us smaller brains gathered wondering,lusting, wanting the endless possibilities.


Thank you,
Maddie.